30w5d

I haven't been that great at updating on here, I know it's been a long time. I'm not a very responsible blogger anymore, but I'm not sure I ever was anyway! Perhaps when I was working less? It's become less and less of a priority. 

So far, everything has been going well. I'm in the third trimester, the baby (it's a boy!) is measuring right on track, I passed my glucose test and aside from some expected symptoms, I'm feeling well. I can't believe how quickly things can change like this. It was like, once we found the right "formula" to make this happen, it just did.

Our shower will be Nov 7th, and I'm really excited but still shocked that is where we're at right now. I always had hope, or tried to at least, but with the pattern we seemed to go through every year I didn't expect this one to be any different. And Christmas has been the hardest every year for us, and I can't believe we're due at the exact time that has depressing for me these past three years. The first Christmas, I was somewhat hopeful-- but it was right after my PCOS diagnosis that November. I thought knowing a diagnosis would be the key to getting on the right path for treatment. Following that holiday season, I had my first RE appointment in January. I had hope for that too. We had a few unresponsive cycles, then we paused and bought a house and I landed a new job associated with my new degree. A lot after that was a blur, including 2014 which was the year I really started to have problems with my cycles. Which coincidentally started around Christmas, and lasted for months. 

I was just thinking back to last year, and how I kind of realized that Halloween is the opener to the kid-centric holiday season. It was pretty depressing to go through the rest of that year, and I really was losing hope. Especially with the lingering 3 year mark that was coming up in February (ironically Valentine's Day, which wasn't for "romantic" reasons just the start of the first of many disappointing cycles!) 

In January of this year, and perhaps inspired by another depressing holiday season, we resumed treatment and by April, found out that we'd finally had success. It was a double success in that it was also the first time we'd actually found something that made me ovulate. It was a relief to finally have that chance.

I couldn't help myself, and I tested very early that cycle-- the line was so faint it could have easily been mistaken for an evap line. I bought a First Response test for the next morning, and sure enough... A faint, but obvious line. It seems like we just found out, but at the same time, we're already nearing the end. 

I love the reassurances-- feeling kicks every day, the ultrasounds we've had, and hearing the heartbeat at my appointments. I think it's finally starting to sink in, but might not entirely until he's here. 

I promise I will try to update more, but don't quote me on it 😉 Getting ready for Halloween, and the shower right after-- it's going to be a whirlwind in this holiday season. 

For fun, here's my "costume" this year:

RE Graduate

Today was my last appointment with the RE. My regular RE is out of town this week unfortunately, so I saw one of the other doctors briefly. Everything looks great, it's crazy to see the growth between two weeks ago and today. It's actually starting to look like a baby now!

Heartbeat was 176bpm, and I still haven't heard it yet but I could definitely see the flutter. It'll only be two weeks until the appointment with my new OB. Everything right now is looking really good, which is a relief. It's funny how there really isn't that much time between appointments (2 weeks lately) but it feels like a long time, and I really start to wonder if everything is ok.

I was worried for a while that I wasn't feeling sick, but it seems that it's not that uncommon to feel ok. Of course, the next day I woke up and felt pretty nauseous. I spent all weekend laying in bed and didn't accomplish anything around the house. I plan on laying around very soon again, every day seems to take a lot out of me.

Of course, I couldn't leave the RE without getting slapped with a pretty hefty bill. As far as I know, that's part one of two, but at least I know what to expect. I'm just thankful that my insurance covered something, even if it was a very small portion and very sporadic. It seemed like they'd cover part of an ultrasound, or part of bloodwork and the next EOB for a different DOS wouldn't be covered at all.

I do however have two unopened boxes of Ovidrel in my fridge still, and knowing they supply loaner pens, I forgot to ask if they could be donated for either that purpose or for patients whose insurance doesn't cover them.

First Ultrasound

Had my first ultrasound this morning-- baby is measuring exactly 6w2d (which lines up perfectly with late ovulation date). We didn't get to hear the heartbeat, but we got to see the flicker, and the tech told us it was beating at 118bpm. Such a relief! Here's a picture, though he/she doesn't look like much more than a gummy bear at this point:

It's that tiny little blob, next to the small open circle (yolk sac).

So of course, we are very excited and it's beginning to feel a little more real now. I'm having some trouble finding a new doctor, hopefully that doesn't end up being too hard to do. It's weird when you work at a place with it's own insurance plan, but they just expanded our network after a merger with another hospital. So I have to ask if places participate when I call, but I don't know if everyone I talk to truly knows what I'm talking about. If I don't have any luck soon, I will end up calling my insurance and seeing what they say.

It's my birthday! Also, news.

I've been hiding something from the blogging world for a short while: it worked. That's right, our cycle worked. We've been somewhere between shock and excitement for the past few weeks.

I'm impatient, so of course I ended up testing at 10dpo. It was midday, and I saw the faintest (I mean, squinting-in-the-sunlight) line:

The faint line seemed to get darker past the normal viewing time.

That was Friday night (4/17). I took a FRER on Saturday morning, and there was a much more obvious second line. I hesitated for a while, still not letting myself get excited but also in shock. There's always the possibility of the HCG trigger shot still being in your system, but because of bloating etc. the nurse told us no to take the second trigger-- so it had been 12 days since taking it. From what I've read, it doesn't stay in your system longer than 8-10 days. Still, I tested again Sunday to be sure and called my RE's office on Monday morning, and they had me come in for my first beta on Tuesday. It was 134, and they brought me in every four days after that. Second beta was 873, and third and final beta was 3,767!!

Because I'm paranoid, it was nice to see the line getting darker!

I am done with betas now, and go in for my first ultrasound tomorrow morning. I am so nervous but also excited, I will only be 6w2d then but hoping we will hear a heartbeat. 

While we've announced to our family and a few close friends already, we will be holding off a while-- at least until the end of the first trimester-- to announce to everyone else, and make things "Facebook Official". I hope this ultrasound is reassuring for us!

It's really hard to keep this to ourselves, especially considering we have so many people who have been praying for us through infertility and know what we've been going through. But it's not long to wait, since I'll be out of the first tri by the end of June. All the days seem to be slowly creeping by since we found out, so June might be further than we think!

Two Week Wait? For Real?!

Ugh, soooo much has happened lately, things have been crazy. I was up and down with hope and also cynicism that this cycle would be another waste.

But, I am happy to report that today is officially 1 DPO. That's right. My first ever two week wait!

These past two months have been extremely nerve wracking. In fact, we got a similar call this Sunday as we did last month. One follicle was just at maturity, but there were 5 others still (not fully mature). We decided to take a gamble and just try. Even to the people we've been more open with about our treatments, we've been very selective about who we've told about this decision. It makes sense at this point though, since we don't want people waiting around and questioning what happened, since that is too much stress and pressure.

I called the nurse back Tuesday to let her know I decided to trigger. When I spoke with her Sunday she said if we did, we needed to do so Sunday night and should be ovulating on Tuesday. And to call her back Tuesday to let her know what we decided. We are hoping we won't be in a situation where a selective reduction is necessary, and it was a very hard call to make whether to go through with this cycle (again). From when I spoke with the nurse Tuesday, she said because my E2 levels were lower (they had cut my dose way down the days prior to having a mature follicle) that could make the possibility of too many hopefully less likely. So, just hoping for the best.

This might be good or bad.

Well, I got excited to see follicle size had jumped from 9 to 13mm, then up to 15mm this week. Until I got my phone call today. 

Now they are saying I may be over responding, as they had upped the dose midweek (and decreased it last night). I'm taking a night off from injections, and it feels weird. E2 levels jumped from around 400 to 1000+ in one day.

I'm kind of bummed, honestly. I know it's nice that they found something I respond to, but at the same time, I was trying to stay positive and I was looking forward to that chance. 

There is a possibility it won't be called off tomorrow, but until I get that phone call I'm going to be pretty antsy. I think I may know something based on the ultrasound. But the nurse mentioned the E2 level being too elevated would also be means to call it off. 

I'm just worried, even if the dose is kept lower, how would we prevent overproduction of follicles in future cycles? Just so many things.

I just took a super long nap. I think it's just from not wanting to think about this, really.

It's Done!

Why was I so scared of giving myself a shot?! That truly was not bad at all! The needle is tiny, and I could barely feel it! I feel so accomplished. Finally, I think we might be on to something here. Time is really going to creep on by this month, because I'm anticipating having a chance. Well, that is all for now. Saturday I am heading in for bloodwork and then who knows.