Two Week Wait? For Real?!

Ugh, soooo much has happened lately, things have been crazy. I was up and down with hope and also cynicism that this cycle would be another waste.

But, I am happy to report that today is officially 1 DPO. That's right. My first ever two week wait!

These past two months have been extremely nerve wracking. In fact, we got a similar call this Sunday as we did last month. One follicle was just at maturity, but there were 5 others still (not fully mature). We decided to take a gamble and just try. Even to the people we've been more open with about our treatments, we've been very selective about who we've told about this decision. It makes sense at this point though, since we don't want people waiting around and questioning what happened, since that is too much stress and pressure.

I called the nurse back Tuesday to let her know I decided to trigger. When I spoke with her Sunday she said if we did, we needed to do so Sunday night and should be ovulating on Tuesday. And to call her back Tuesday to let her know what we decided. We are hoping we won't be in a situation where a selective reduction is necessary, and it was a very hard call to make whether to go through with this cycle (again). From when I spoke with the nurse Tuesday, she said because my E2 levels were lower (they had cut my dose way down the days prior to having a mature follicle) that could make the possibility of too many hopefully less likely. So, just hoping for the best.

This might be good or bad.

Well, I got excited to see follicle size had jumped from 9 to 13mm, then up to 15mm this week. Until I got my phone call today. 

Now they are saying I may be over responding, as they had upped the dose midweek (and decreased it last night). I'm taking a night off from injections, and it feels weird. E2 levels jumped from around 400 to 1000+ in one day.

I'm kind of bummed, honestly. I know it's nice that they found something I respond to, but at the same time, I was trying to stay positive and I was looking forward to that chance. 

There is a possibility it won't be called off tomorrow, but until I get that phone call I'm going to be pretty antsy. I think I may know something based on the ultrasound. But the nurse mentioned the E2 level being too elevated would also be means to call it off. 

I'm just worried, even if the dose is kept lower, how would we prevent overproduction of follicles in future cycles? Just so many things.

I just took a super long nap. I think it's just from not wanting to think about this, really.

It's Done!

Why was I so scared of giving myself a shot?! That truly was not bad at all! The needle is tiny, and I could barely feel it! I feel so accomplished. Finally, I think we might be on to something here. Time is really going to creep on by this month, because I'm anticipating having a chance. Well, that is all for now. Saturday I am heading in for bloodwork and then who knows.

Almost Time!

So I had my baseline US and B/W on Monday, things look really good right now. No cysts! I was surprised, the tutorial made things seem easier than what I imagined. I'm sure the first injection (or first few) might be nerve-wracking, but hopefully a little less now that I have a better idea of what to expect.

The nurse who did the injections tutorial sounded pretty confident they could get me to ovulate (then again, I don't know that I've heard of people not responding to injections? I could have just missed those stories though). She just said it may take a while, and happen later in the cycle than we'd anticipate. I'm fine with that though, I'm just excited at the possibility of a chance.

I feel like it's been so long and we're so far into this, yet at the same time we're not because there's never really been that chance. That's the really sucky part of not ovulating. I'm sure two week waits are hard, and so are periods when you were full of hope. I've never really had the chance to even experience that anticipation. In the beginning, I really became hopeful at my long cycles (thinking maybe I was wrong, maybe I did ovulate but just missed the signs somehow?) but with all the negative pregnancy tests, and the cycle days passing up 50, then 60, then 70... somewhere in that process the hope really fades, until there isn't any at all.

This cycle is really bringing us hope though, and it's kind of a nice change.

Finally!

I never thought I'd be so excited to start a period.

But I did, Saturday, after a 46-day failed Clomid cycle. I was pretty frustrated that they didn't start me on Provera until ridiculously late in the cycle (especially considering they knew I hadn't responded to the Clomid).

Nonetheless, I have an appointment for baseline bloodwork and ultrasound on Monday morning (with a shots tutorial) and will be starting Gonal-F on Wednesday. I'm nervous about injections but hopeful that we will see some kind of response.

I've been getting pretty impatient lately. Mainly with the last cycle ending and getting this one started. I've been under the impression that I'd start the injections on CD3 but just found out they usually start them on CD5 for PCOS.

Thanks to the Provera, I've pretty much felt awful all weekend. So we actually stayed home from church today, which is a rare thing for us. It's been nice to get some rest though. Well, keeping this post somewhat short because there isn't a whole lot going on right now. I promise once things get going that I will update more often!

tinydove returns!

So I have started this new blog because I noticed too many people were adding me on Google + (family and people I know IRL) with my old account and it was keeping my blog far from being anonymous as previously intended.

To pick up where I left off, I am almost $1000 poorer but have ordered Gonal-F and Ovidrel for our next cycle. We had a massive snowstorm this weekend (16.7" total!) so I called the RE's office to let them know that the pharmacy called me, and the medicine is shipping out today (I believe my next step is going in for bloodwork and starting Provera) but there was barely anyone there. Tomorrow I will be getting a call back from the nurse, so I will know for sure what I need to do next.

I don't know, I am both hopeful and worried. I have a good feeling that we will at least see some sort of response from this medicine for once. At the same time, it's like we've crossed a line. This is more serious, in-depth infertility treatment. It's crazy, as anyone who's been this would probably say-- I never imagined things going this way.  Not even close.

On the (somewhat) bright side, if we have to go through this more than once I have met my deductible and my med copay will only be 10% for the rest of the year! So it seems to have worked out that we started this all when we did. That takes the edge off on the stress. Also, despite having basically no insurance coverage for infertility treatment, I did find out that our blood work and ultrasounds can be billed to my insurance. So it seems like I have *somewhat* coverage, even though I've looked into these benefits before and it sounded like anything infertility-related was excluded. But they called and checked with my insurance at the RE's office, giving them all the codes that they bill and said they covered them. So I'm interested in finding out what I will end up paying for those.

Just got a call back from the RE's office, and I am going in next Monday for bloodwork and will (most likely) start Provera that night.